Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Man oh Man!

This this morning started out pretty good. Got ready to walk out the door with my lunch box for the day and three tins of my Breast Milk lined up on top. I really tried moving as fast as I could despite my hubby hasting me on, and then it happened. One of MY milk tins fell, cracked and the milk spread ALL OVER THE FLOOR. This is probably not as dramatic as I make it sound but it breaks my heart to lose a single drop of the milk that I work so hard to produce for my TF. I (subconsciously) start yelling at my hubby because it is his fault the tin broke and my precious gold laced milk lay all over the floor. He then proceeds to say that the fact that I expressed milk three times a day, every week day, was not his problem; (slight exaggeration) and that we could FORMULA FEED.  I think I lost it right there.
Well all this has a history. I think appreciation is important for any relationship to be successful. I would think that the fact that I slave away for my child everyday was something worth appreciating. Well apparently not. I really gave him a mouth full right after his little comment and then just stopped talking all together. I then took time to think about it and this is what I got:
Is appreciation more for the person giving it, or for the person receiving it. I think hubby is a great dad and love to show him (actions speak louder than words) but I seem to fade into his background in that department.
When we were just married, I used to get ultra exited to do things for him and would plan weeks and sometimes months in advanced. I was sure to find out what exactly he would (or I thought he would) love and put in all my time and money to try and give it to him. Since I was so exited to do all this, I though that it would be the same with him. Well what a kick in the but I got when days like valentines day rolled around. To him a kiss on the cheek is enough to make my day. IMAGINE THAT!!! How DARE he not fawn over gifts for me, how DARE he not recognise that I am a princess and should be treated as one; and most of all how DARE he not turn into the Prince at the ball and give me the most romantic evening at the ball, HOW DARE HE!!!

I learnt very quickly that overreacting (what I am known for) was not going to get me anywhere. What I unfortunately did not learn is that pushing him to appreciate me was and sadly still is not working.

My friend H's husband is the poster child for what all husbands should be. He does everything for her short of cleaning her toe jam with his tongue lol. He spoils her rotten just because she is his wife and she need not ask for a thing. What I find strange about it is in the 'coloured' community, if your husband fawns over you, you are either controlling him or you "toor" (bewitch) him.
We are living in a modern day and age and men should then want to learn how to treat their wives.
The bible says that a man should love his wife, the word 'love' there being used loosely but essentially means appreciating her, to me that least. An appreciated women is always ready to give more of herself and I have never seen one who was unhappy.

I just got my hubby to understand that I am not supper woman but how do I make him see that sitting in that cold room three times daily, having my upper body exposed at night and regular wakings are all for the good of our child; and that I am at the same time trying to save on the cost of ever having to buy formula. How do I make him see that laying on the floor and pushing my entire anatomy out of my bottom was not an easy feat at all; but most of all, how do I make him see that I am a woman, and my task is to take our family to new levels, although it be behind the scenes. If I am appreciated, I want to always strive to become a better mother, wife and person because someone sees how hard I work to be best.

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