Thursday, July 1, 2010

They think they know

I have made many friends over the years, good and not so good and only a few have stuck around long enough to know where and who I am today. I love to be close to people and have the habit of telling them everything about myself, or so they think. Although many of them may not believe it, I think there is a lot more to me than meets the eye, and there are some things I just sit and think about in my own time. This past weekend is the first time I shared some intimate feeling with my husband, things that I have felt for year that I never actually said out loud. The funny thing is that when I finally opened my mouth about it, I felt a little release and that I need to open up about thinks like that a little more.

My family and friends like to tell me that I am over opinionated and that I always think what I do is the best, well it may seem that way but it is not. What they don't know is that a lot of the advice I have given them does not actually come from what I think. I am so paranoid about making mistakes ( I know I cant avoid them) that I research everything. If something pops in my head, off to the Internet I go and find out what all these people and doctors I will never meet have to say on the topic. When I was younger, I gave people advice on my own accord, but experience has taught me that I ma not that good of and advisor and that there are an array of other people in the world who are educated enough to give the kind of advice needed.

I know there are times that I come across as arrogant and my sister continues to tell me that I like to push my opinions on people. What nobody really knows is that this is the only way I can make myself really heard. As a child I grew up thinking that nobody really listened to how I felt and what I needed. This is what led me to the belief that if people listen to you, and you to others, that so many issues could be dealt with head on. I am anal about listening to my kids when they need me and my panties really get into a bunch with  people who pay no attention to their children's attempts at getting their attention. Does your child really have to start smoking meth before you pick up that there is a need. These things start as early as three years old, and if we listen, our kids will learn to listen; (courtesy of Dr Phil) " we teach people how to treat us".

What I want to know is, is it so wrong to offer advice to people? In my case, the people who I give the advice to, are the ones who come and ask for it. Most of the time I have done so much research on the topic that I just know what to say. Is it arrogant to just know what to say? I think the horrible thing is that the people who want to advice are the ones that judge the advice.

At least I can say this, I don't do all this research for nothing. I want to be prepared one day when my kids come and ask me things about the world. I want to be the one that they come to because they know I listen and that my opinion never involves the statement "because I said so". People can judge me all they want for what and where I get my information but at least I am trying to be a step ahead of my ancestors and know that the advice I am giving is factually correct. Hopefully my kids thank me for it one day.

This Post was inspired my Mama Kat's writers Workshop - Prompt no 4.
People Would be surprised to learn that...


Red Velvet Confections said...

Good morning. Sometimes people who ask for advice really just need someone to listen to them. The ones who really need advice, may not be accustomed to your straight-forwardness. If you continue to work on it, I'm sure you'll find a balance which will allow you to counsel your friends and family without anyone leaving with any negative feelings.

Shari said...

i love straight-forwardness as long as it's tempered with tact :-) Keep on going on!

Los said...

I think being over-opinionated is when you refuse to listen to others (now, keep in mind, that doesn't mean you have to accept what they say - but I think you do need to listen).

Anyway, if people are coming and asking for your opinions, well, then you are somebody they respect, and that's a good thing, isn't it?