I have been anticipating this surgery for quite some time, I however thought about it so much, and listened to so many horror stories, that I totally scared myself. I was so afraid to go into the theatre that I actually asked the nurse, while wheeling me to theatre no less, what she would do if I just jumped out of the bed right there and said that I changed my mind about all this.
This is so ridiculous. I mean, for Pete's sake, I have done far worse than this single flesh removal.
Step Back exactly a year ago...
I go into labor at 12:30 am, I push out a 4 KG baby in my driveway, and waddle back into my house with him, For three days I lived in mommy bliss until I had to have a NO 2, and my biggest fear was realised.
I tore, and not a little easy to repair tear, there was doody coming out of my mommy parts, DOODY PEOPLE!!!
I completely freaked out! Completely lost my head right there on the toilet.
See, the thing was that throughout all of my births, my biggest and worst fear was tearing. It became a phobia of mine. So with having A1 and J without even grazing, I really thought I was safe with A2.
But then I went into labor after midnight, contractions were getting closer in the shower I took to slow them down, Hubby became a walking zombie and took a decade to pack himself a bag and by the time we were ready to leave, A2 was ready to COME OUT!
Yup, I ripped my pants off in the street in full view of the neighbours and pushed till I almost gave myself and aneurysm, A2 landing in my Hubbies hands.
Ladies, birth and speed.... DONT EVER DO IT UNLESS YOU WANT TO RIP IN TWO!
Exactly what I did.
Here's the thing though, I never felt it. Not for one second did I feel myself tear all the way through. My Adrenalin was so high that the pain did not even exist. Even in the bath about 20 Minutes after labor, even while breast feeding all night, even when visiting the paediatrician the following morning to get A2's weight.
But that faithful Sunday, you know, the day my doody made and unplanned exit, I knew I was headed down a road I had been trying to avoid for 4 years.
It turned out that I had a 3rd degree tear from pushing out my little giant so fast and hard. My doctor was out of the country but was willing to do my repair surgery two weeks later.
I was not thrilled that I had to wait that long as it meant bathing at least three times a day and 'extra' cleaning down there to make sure my parts stayed healthy.
Surgery day finally came and I as so excited to end this nightmare.
Little did I know that the nightmare was just getting worse.
Post surgery was the worst pain I had ever, EVER, felt! Everything down there was in agony. I just wanted to cry and cry some more. Even birth did not hurt this bad.
Then came the having to bath, clean and use the loo! Oh my Goodness!! I had a genuine fear of the loo! I would tear up when the urge to use it surfaced and that fear lived with me for months.
A few weeks later came the time to resume my wifely duties!! Just the thought made me want to skip the country and change my name!
So here I sit, with this big cotton ball in front of my nose and my throat so swollen, all I can manage are small breaths. But alas, it's not anywhere as bad as the Perineal Repair, and I can have Ice cream everyday for two weeks!! Whoop Whoop!!
I really did scare myself for nothing and am glad that I went through this as I won't be on endless courses of Antibiotics trying to fight constant Tonsillitus.
Yes, surgery is never ideal, but today, I am glad I can sit here and type this, and even far more grateful that I and enjoy sitting on the loo as how I was meant to...
Mwah Mwah
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