A Mothers selfish Rant

So much has been going on in the world, and in our country in the past few weeks. Our Government has come into question many of times for its financial decisions when there are people in the country who struggle to put food on the table. I will never understand why a R4 Billion Jet is an investment. I grew up in a world where investing in people meant a lot more than a new toy for the president, since it is the people of this country who essentially pay for that lavish jet plane.

Then there were the attacks in Paris on Friday night. I read a few stories here and there since I had no internet connection in the hospital. Its sad, very sad. The blatant disregard for life that people can have. I was surprised by the news, but hear far more horrifying stories that happen at home everyday. I sympathise with those that lost, but cannot support the fact that revenge is imminent. Has the world not learnt that revenge will only end in more innocent blood shed?

It rained today in Johannesburg. We have been having a drought with stage 2 water restrictions and our people have been prying for rain. Every single person on my Facebook timeline had a comment on the rain. Hash Tag:Thank you for the rain ; Hash Tag: We Prayed for rain and God Answered; Hash Tag: Showers of Blessing. Its about time it rained, and I resonate with all the people who rejoiced at the long awaited showers. This could mean an end to our drought, maybe.

I have to however take a rain check on all of  these emotions for now. My world is filled with a lot more things I have to give my full attention to. Call me selfish, but I spent the entire weekend watching my Jesse be poked, prodded and medicated in a bid to find out what underlying disease he had that was causing him to become ill at least twice as many times as his siblings.

Jesse was Diagnosed with Hyper IgE syndrome on Sunday. When his Paediatrician walked in and ran through what this rare condition was, I stood their, slightly relieved, but more confused than anything else. Hyper IgE or Job's Syndrome is not curable, but manageable. Jesse is a mild case which means he should not be hospitalised very often and we can manage infections a little easier. In laymen's terms, his body has interference when it tries to attack infections which could, and has on one or two occasions,  made the infection worse. The internet has a lot of information, and jargon which I am still trying to decipher. But I can't seem to find the information that as a mother gives me a little more control over the situation. I am not sure where we go from here, and although it is still early days and we have yet to meet with his Dr again, I am feeling slightly overwhelmed by the news.

Do I have to change his diet for allergy purposes? Do I have to keep him out of school where his chance of infection is high? Do I have to stop him from swimming because his cough get worse overtime that he does? Will he be using the Asthma Pump they gave us forever? So many unanswered questions. Jesse is not making things any easier on us either. He has become super clingy since we left the hospital and cries at the drop of a hat. The stress of forcing him to take his medication and his mood swings have not given us much of a chance to start processing everything thats going on.

On Saturday I took some time out and I prayed. All I asked from God was that He direct my path and that His will may come to pass in my life. Then this happened. I have faith that Jesse will be healed, but is that Gods will? Or is His will to teach me something through this experience?

So, I am sorry that I can't pay attention to the many people who died in Paris, or rave about our greedy government. I
unfortunately have much more important things on my mind. Jesse needs me to be his mother now, nobody is more important than that.