A Some Efica Mommy

Monday, February 1, 2016

30 Adventures Before 30 - Join my adventures

Its already the 1st of February 2016. Saying this year is flying by would truly be the understatement of the year. This year also happens to the year of my BIG 30! Yes, I am only turning 30 years old, although it feels like I have lived a life time, I am surely not close to done yet.

Because I started my life 'adult' life pretty much earlier than most, I have been contemplating for while about some of the things that I have yet to experience in this life, a so called bucket list of things that as a young person I did not have much of an opportunity to experience. It seems now a better time than any to spread my wings and put my strength and confidence to the test as it should be.

I have been brainstorming some Ideas and have only come up with about 18 or so things that I would like to do before my 30th birthday and thought it would be amazing to have some of the people in my life, better yet, I want to experience these things with mom's who have waited forever to take the leap, people who dream of doing them but don't have the ability, and actually anyone who would love to join me. So without further ado, here are some of the 30 Adventures before 30:

1. Either Skydive or Bungee.

I am terrified of heights and know for certain that I will most likely cry all the way down. Whatever I can finance will be the best choice, but so far I have already gotten two volunteer's for the bungee and think that will be the most feasible option.

2. Driving a Super Car

Now this is bit tricky as it costs at least R5000 to do here. But oh the thrill of it would be immense and I know that my hubby would be over the moon just to have the opportunity to do this.

3. Water Skiing

My information on this is pretty sketchy at the moment, but its one of this thrills that I just can't wait to experience. It pretty much is something I will make sure I check off my list.

4. Snowboarding

In Johannesburg its like Christmas when in snows in June. We very rarely see it and when it happens, its only for about an hour at a time. Never enough to build a snowman. Since my birthday is a bit before winter, I will have to settle for fake snow, and luckily, there are available places to do that here.

5. Shark Cage Diving

I probably only know one person who has done this. I go to Durban so often and have never attempted doing this. How much more will it add to my story if at least once I was in close proximity with a real live shark. This will definitely be one for the books.

6. Host or Co-Host a Show

This is just something I have always dreamed of doing. I have terrible stage fright when I have to sing in front of a crowd, but talking is my speciality. I don't have any specific show, stage, radio or TV program in mind, bit it does not matter much. Its the Experience I am after, after all. This could be such incredible fun!

7. Adopt and orphanage.

When I was in school, we had a program that allowed us to visit and stay at a certain children home. In Grade 11 I took the opportunity with both hands and absolutely loved it. We spent a lot of time in the new baby nursery and I met a little Lady named Grace. I will never forget her precious face at only one day old. I spent two days with her there and completely fell in love with her sweet demeanour. For years I have been wanting to get back into a project like this, but life has not made it very possible. This year, however, I want to heed the call of my heart and be there for someone who really and truly needs it. What better way than to adopt and Orphanage where the children just need love, reliable ongoing love.

8. Canopy Ride

That kind of speaks for itself

9. Throw a Dart and a map and just go there.

I got this from the Mamahood Gauteng Page that I follow on Facebook. My trips and excursions will be limited to South Africa as our overseas travel trips are already in motion. There are tons of places in our country that I have yet to experience, so this should be really something interesting to see.

10. Canoeing with Crocodiles

My very good friend thought this would be an amazing thing to do. I don't necessarily agree as reptiles are not my favourite thing on the planet. I am actually deathly affraid of them. But if not, why not, right?

11. Snakes

Yes, another reptile, and not just any reptile, one that I find difficult to look at in books or on TV. I have once been very close to a snake, in primary school. Needless to say, I screamed my head off and ran out of the hall with everybody staring because I just happened to be sitting in the front row in front of at least 500 pupils. How I am even going to do this, is beyond me, and you clearly know that it was not my idea. I have to face the fear sometime I guess.

12. Announcement at the Airport

I stole this idea from Darren August, the same Darren who wrote the amazing 'A Teacher Changed my Life'. When he posted it, I thought it was so great. The first image I had was of Trevor Noah in the background "Attention All Passengers". Darren thinks its crazy, but I think its cool and will make an effort to get it done, with him of course.

13. Swim Under a Waterfall

Yes, a fantasy that I am sure most girls have when they see those perfume advertisements. This was actually possible for me to do on our trip to Mpumalanga. Unfortunately a day already well travelled made this a bit too much of an effort to put my family through, so its here now.

14. Learn to play the Base Guitar

I somewhat understand a bit of music I think. Its something I grew up with and live my life with music in my head. Lately however, after purchasing the Toby Mac Album, I have really been interested in learning. This will not be easy as its expensive and I don't even have a base guitar. I most likely will be teaching myself off youtube videos but won't it be cool if I can at least play a few notes well.

15. Ride an Elephant

This was also possible on our trip, but its expensive to do and we already had a packed itinerary as this would have taken quite some time to do. I rode a horse for the first time last year and it scared me in the beginning, but it was so much fun to do. Elephants are such beautiful creatures and I know being around one would be such a joy.

16. Abseiling

Another one of those things that speaks for itself.

17. Getting a Tattoo

I know this is not a 'Holy' thing to do, but it won't change my relationship with God, and in fact it will remind me of Him always. Yes, I have been thinking about this one since my teens and have always been afraid to do it in fear that I would be judged and because of the pain. But God knows me, and frankly, thats all that matters.

18. The White Grade R Dress

At Aspens Grade R Graduation last year, we were so excited to get her the white dress and sparkly shoes that we gave no thought to the fact that she goes to a school where some children are genuinely poor. When we attended the ceremony, there were so many kids that just came in a shorts and T shirt because their parents could not afford to spend money on the fancy clothes. My heart broke for those children. We are hoping to find sponsors to help get dresses and shoes for these little girls so that they may also celebrate their graduations in style. I am sure that it would boost their confidence about entering 'big' school and I just want to see them as happy as all the other kids.

So far, these are the only things I could come up with. Travel is top of my list of things to do, but realistically with only two and half months left till the 11th of April, I am not putting all of my pennies into the jar just yet. Besides, a lot of these activities have to do with me, but there is so many things that I want to do for others that I am still figuring out.

So this is my call to you. Do have any Amazing Ideas which you think would be Awesome for my 30 Adventures before 30? Do you want to join me on some or all of these adventures or can you help sponsor someone who really needs an adventure in their life? We can make other peoples dreams come true or just give someone a last wish while having an amazing time.

All on the list will be video blogged and photographed so we can document these memories forever!

If you have any more Ideas or want to sponsor a person or trip, email me: merlizej@gmail.com and lets make 30 Adventures before 30 a reality.

A Couple that Prays Together

Its Sunday morning and before I get ready for Church, I wanted to share something that has been on my mind.

I have been on a Christian walk for many years and to be honest I have not been 100% dedicated for most of that time. I have had so many struggles with things that don't represent my Christian walk, conversations I should have never been privy to and belief systems that are far from the traits that the Bible so clearly defines for us. Its sometimes shameful to admit, but being honest about it is the first step to rectifying it I guess.

The beginning of this year however has shown real promise already thus far, and with the amazing things spoken over Hubby and my life thus far, I truly believe that my faith struggles are going to take a dramatic turn.

For those who were reading my blog posts a few years ago, you should have seen my Love Dare posts. At the time Hubby and I were not in a good place and I was willing to try anything to get us back on track. Needless to say, my dedication to following the book fizzled out as fast as I started and I eventually gifted to book to someone I thought's marriage needed more help than mine did at the time. Hubby and I just ended up floating around for quite some time. We went to church, worked at conferences and just continued with life as it was.

What made matters worse is the fact that having four kids, a business and a full time job ended up taking away anytime for God. We were so consumed with everything else that God was someone we visited on Sunday at church and left Him there when we went home after.

For a few weeks at the end of 2015, we ended up skipping church all together, and for some reason it was really bothering me. Obviously not bothering me enough to go back. There are too many excuses. Church was too far, it takes too long to get the kids ready and once before we stopped going, we ended up at the service as everyone was already walking out of the building because service had already concluded for the day.

After years of trying to get back on track properly, hubby and I have finally started to get into a good routine, and I can't imagine why it took us this long to even get there. This time it had nothing to do with church and the people that we felt we needed to impress with our presence, it had to do with us and the personal relationship with Christ which we have long ignored.

Hubby and I have started to read Life Promises for Couples by New York Times bestselling relationship expert Dr. Gary Chapman and have been taking changing our lives one step at a time. One of the things that has changed is that we have been making the effort to pray daily. Not alone, but together. There is something very powerful about us spending the time in God's Presence together. Hubby seemed shocked the first time he heard me pray after so many years. I prayed for him, well because he is every part of who and what I am and other than my kids, he and his future are always on my mind. For some reason, even in this short time, we seem to be little closer and more understanding of each other which surprised me. But now I am starting to understand why it is so fundamental for couples to pray together.

When you get married, you become ONE. But what does ONE really mean? It seems this week that I have finally realised what that means. There are many times when I have spent time praying and reading my bible by myself, and although it is very fulfilling, there was always some element missing. When I started praying with hubby it all made sense. I want to be in the arms of God but with the person I share this life with as it no longer is my own. When we pray together, God sees us as one as was intended and as I cannot do anything without hubby, praying should have been up there with major life decisions. Its so interesting how spending this time with hubby helps make me aware of the fact that He is the head of this house and I need to respect that. I am known to be very opinionated and dominating, but being married has taught me that I am vital to our choices, yes, but that does not give me the right to make them on our behalf. Our prayer time has made me realise how much I have been making choices for us but then letting hubby take the credit for it. As with prayer, it is vital for my life but I should be doing it in the presence and even better, with the other half of me.

Realistically, I know this is not always possible with the demands of life, but I am starting to realise that I would not even have this life or my amazing Husband were it not for Christ in the first place. I will also be realistic in saying that getting my hopes up about this continuing long term is foolish, but I have learnt that hoping for it is like wishing everyday that it won't stop as apposed to having faith which is like knowing and making the deliberate effort to make sure it continues. Like everything in this life, consistency takes a conscious effort and in marriage most times we let a lot of things slide because it is so easy to say 'well he/she knows this about me'. However the minute we become complacent about how our marriages, is the moment we open the door to the destruction of our unions.

I must say that I am happy to married to man who does not judge my faults or mistakes. I have been a hypocrite and he walks along side me, I have had addiction struggles, and he stuck it out, we have been through it all, and he comes home and prays despite our pasts. All those things have finally brought us to this place here, our destiny. Our purpose realised in the room as we pray and talk to the Father together. I love him more now because we have started to acknowledge Christ in our lives first and with everything we have been through throughout the years that we have been together, there is a definite difference in the way we address each other and the time we spend before going to sleep.

Its been many years coming, and we probably would have been so much further if we started on this path sooner, but I am sure there was a reason for the time we had to do other things. It has showed me the large difference in the life before and the life now spent in the presence of the Lord with my husband, as it should be.

Breast is Best, Until the toddler months!

I only Breastfed Liam for 4 months, supplementing with formula as I had no real knowledge about breastfeeding back then. All I was sure was that breastfeeding meant that I got very little sleep and my already colicy baby was crying more often than not, oh yes, and the fact that it was painful has heck. So I gave up, threw in the towel and moved on.

My research on VBAC before having Aspen revealed a lot of things to me. I learned how important breastfeeding actually was, and my sister who had been exclusively breast feeding her then 7 month old taught me a lot about how to maintain it. So I then started my journey properly with Aspen. I loved every minute of feeding her and was sad when I had to wean her at 13 months because I had unexpectedly fallen pregnant with Jesse. Little did I know, I could have continued feeding her all through my pregnancy.

Image from Breast Feeding Magazine
Click on the link to find out about Extended Breast Feeding

So I had another go with Jesse, and loved breast feeding him just as much. He was just as fussy as Liam was but breastfeeding was by saviour. It was the easiest way to calm my screaming baby down and get some well deserved rest. Our journey was however short-lived as well as hubby and I planned a honeymoon to Mozambique when Jesse was 11 months old. I am not sure if it was the medication that we had to take before the trip to prevent Malaria that dried up my milk or if the medication made my milk taste weird to Jesse, but within the week before we left on our trip, he weened himself off of the breast. When we got back I longed to feed him but he was so not interested.

Because I had such amazing experiences with breastfeeding Aspen and Jesse and missed it so much when it ended, it was a no brainer that I was going to Breastfeed Aiden for as long as I possibly could. The beginning of our journey had a few rough patches with surgeries and recovery time, but he was a champ though it all and was just as determined as I was to continue our boob bonding sessions. I would just sit and watch him suckle, smell his head and feel so inlove with the last human being I would ever have the opportunity to share those moments with. I knew he was my last baby when I was pregnant. Hubby was not going to have one of these 'surprises' happen again so I promptly got a tubal ligation done. I embraced feeding Aiden and from early on I could tell that he did not want me distracted by anything during our sessions.

The time flew by so fast. Aiden became active very early on and a lot more verbal about how he wanted our feeding times to go. I was not to sit with my phone or move around, he wanted me 100% present. I loved it and pushed on long past the times both Jesse and Aspen weened.

At 21 months, we, or should I say Aiden is still pushing on. I have long since gone back to work and eventually had to start supplement feeding with formula as expressing at this job was almost impossible. But I would walk in the house and he would be so excited to see me as the bottle was not nearly as satisfying as his 'nah nah'. At this age, however, its becoming more difficult for me for two reasons. Aides is old enough to verbalise what he wants with more demand then ever before. My sleep is now almost none existent as he wakes and comes to our bed in the middle of the night, and insists on sleeping on the breast until morning. Not to mention two grown adults sharing the bed with a twitchy 13.5kg toddler. Most nights I find myself sleeping at the foot of the bed just to get some rest.

I still love breastfeeding, but never did it occur to me that breast feeding an almost 2 year old would be this difficult. When i come from work now , he grabs my hands and says "mummy, seat". He feeds, goes off and plays and is back within half an hour, trying to make up for the whole day. My breasts are taking a beating with his teeth and nighttime insistence and sitting at the entrance of a shopping mall to feed him right there because he is completely losing his mind is most probably one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.

Hubby has been saying for months now that it is time to stop, and I know that it is. My mind and my body are exhausted from all the fuss. I am sure, anyone reading this would also be thinking, yes, why don't you stop, but there are two probably fleeting reasons that I have not given up breast feeding as yet. The first being that our entire family would probably not get any sleep for a week because Aiden would be crying so much. That stress scares me and I have to think about the fact that I have two primary schooled children who have to be able to function in class. The second more emotional reason is that he is my last baby. The last child I will ever breast feed again. I know I will miss it terribly, I know I will miss holding any of my children that close again. I will have to accept the fact that having babies is forever over for me. I am not ready yet, I don't know if I will ever be ready to give up mothering my precious babies just yet. Being as young as I am, could I really go another 40 years without being able to have this special bond again?

I have decided not to decide and let nature takes its course. Of course I am going to complain and be upset that Aiden wants to feed in the middle of a restaurant. Of course I am going to get more and more stares of shame from disapproving visitors. But we continue until the day my heart accepts the inevitable and we eventually move on.

Raising Daughters

A Few Weeks ago I found my Diary/Journal Under a pile of rubble in my wardrobe. I have been carrying it around in its beautiful flowery box whenever we moved house and it still has the lovely smell on the pages as when I first bought it about 16 or so years ago. I have not paid much attention to it because as far as I was concerned, I knew how I was as a teenager and going back did not interest me much. But the day I picked it out of my wardrobe, I wondered if I would find anything of interest in it, so I decided to catch my adult self up on some of the memories I had lost on the road of my life.

The teenage girl who wrote in my diary was familiar to me. She surprisingly was not such a bad writer and expressed herself much in the same way that I still do today. I laughed and ahh'd at some of the events and emotions this young girl was feeling. A lot of it was sweet and cute, and the purest form of love, well puppy love that is. It made me remember the goose bumps and butterflies I got from a crush, or a kiss. Some of it was romantic and only as a child would feel pure untainted emotion.

There are parts though that shocked me to my core. I never realised until I started reading my diary how hurt this young girl was. This part of her was so foreign to me. She carried bags of pain which in turn made her seek love in unsightly places using shameful tactics. This was something I was really not expecting. I assumed that my teenage self had a little more self respect, but when I carried on through her words, it hurt my heart to see how the utter core of her soul bled on those pages. She felt as though nobody listened to her soul, she wished for love more than anything. When she could not find it, she took what ever she could get which damaged her beyond repair.

I had a good upbringing. My parents worked hard to give my sister and I the best of everything. We went on regular vacations and visited a lot with family. Life on the surface was great and I am sure that there are people who wished they had our life. Life under the surface, however, was not so amazing as is apparent in my diary. I was loud and outgoing, but sad and lonely all at the same time. Reading my diary brought me back to a very sad day in my life. I don't remember why it was so sad, but I remember my prayer to God that day. "Lord, please give me a baby so that I can have someone to love and they would love me no matter what". I was 15, and had no idea what having a baby would be like, but I knew that there was love somewhere in it, and I wanted that no matter what.

Now this is not to say that my parents don't love me at all, as I am sure they do. But being a parent myself with very verbal children, I have found that it is so easy to mislead them into thinking that we don't love them. Liam has reminded me on many occasion that we act like we don't love him, although we tell him everyday.

This has made me revaluate the way I look at love. We know that Love is a doing word, but expect it to understood by just saying 'I Love You', and doing nothing more. If parenting has taught me anything, its that your children don't only do what you do, but they take to heart your actions more than your words.

Being a woman, delicate and sensitive, actions speak much more volumes for me than for any of my male counterparts, which makes me wonder how Aspen interprets my actions. We have taught our kids to tell us whats on their minds, even if we don't like it. Aspen has taken this opportunity to call me out on all my wrongdoings without hesitation. Most of the time I am left speechless because a lot of what she observes is true. Of late she has been acting out quite a bit and I was reminded again of that young girl in my diary. Do I make Aspen feel unloved? Do I treat her like another one of the kids? Do we pay any real attention to her?

Again, Like I, She is a girl, delicate and sensitive, my actions speak volumes to her. How I raise her will help her make her choices. I don't want her choices to based on finding love, even if it means its from a prince somewhere. I don't want her writing those same painful words my teenage self wrote in her diary. Honesty, I don't think any mother wants that for their daughters. But like everything, I need to make those differences in her life.

The plan of action is not set, but I think we are off to a pretty good start. Many people may not appreciate our kids candid opinions about us, but it helps us as parents recognise the warning signs. Its easier for me to tell when Aspen needs me because she verbalises it, she does not expect me to read her mind. Its healthy for them to express those feelings and especially for young girls who have to deal with things like peer pressure, yes even at six years of age, bullying and self esteem, she allows me to always know when its time to step in and put a positive word where someone or something else left a negativity.

I see my six year old self in my Aspen, and right here, right now, I get to decide how the rest of her life plays out. Nothing is ever set in stone, but being deliberate goes a long way. I may not like what I read in my diary, but those experiences have made me aware, aware that one small misunderstanding, one negative word and mostly one negative action could alter my children existence for eternity. These kids will not leave my home with bleeding wounds, they will have scars that push them to be, do and act better.

Reading my Diary seems like a small thing, but it has forever changed the way I look at my kids, especially my precious girl. She needs to feel loved and secure 100% of the time, and one day when someone offers her false love she will know the difference, leave them there, come home and talk to me about it.

Happy Birthday Mpumi and Aspen - BFF's

Last week I needed some down time as I was trying to adjust to the demands of a new school year, Liam's sport activities and the build up of work. I ended up delegating myself and got a very bad cold which I still busy nursing to death, but taking Friday off work for Liam's cricket trials, Aspens birthday and generally from everything else in my life, it gave me some time to reflect on my life.

Aspen turned 6 on Friday, and I must admit that it has been 6 surprising years. They say that girls develop faster than boys and are able to articulate a lot more, a lot earlier than boys. I see it everyday in my house. The level of conversation that Aspen is able to keep astounds me sometimes. She is so proud to be 6 years old, although I am pretty sure that her mouth is a whole 10 years older than her actual age. She is such a bright and smart kid, and I love the fact that she challenges me. I have to check myself on the regular with her and she is not afraid to call me out from time to time.

What I love even more about my little Diva is that in many ways, she keeps friends like I do. For the second year in a row she has had her very best friend Mpumi stay over for the her birthday. They have literally been friends from birth, their first sleep over was at the only four weeks old. What makes them extra special is that they both have birthdays in January, 7 days apart to be exact. Mpumi is such a little lady, never complains and is a friend I would love Aspen to always keep. I would like to think that she balances their friendship out with the quiet way.

So this weekend I could not resist getting some pictures of them together that I hope they will cherish when they Grow older. Life long friends are basically family, and whats better than practically having a sister, the same age as you who you can relate to on every level, right.

So this post is dedicated to these two sweet girls for their birthdays.

Mwah!

The 5 ADD Traits you want to rub off on your kids

ADD and ADHD always seems to be portrayed in such a negative way. There are Medical Journals, Media and even educators who describe having ADD in such a bad way and are always trying to find new ways to 'cure' it. Its being treated like a mental disorder which only medication can fix when in actual fact it is nothing of the sort.

I don't take medication and have made the choice not to pursue the option. I have had a few overwhelming moments where I have wondered if taking medication would make my life a little easier, but then the moment passes and I bounce back. Who I am is probably 50% made of having ADD and being wired the way I am makes the world a lot more colourful than most of the people I associate with in my opinion.

For this reason, there are a few of my ADD traits I would like my kids to learn and to take with them wherever they go.

1. Love with all you heart soul and mind

Love. The Bible is based on Love. It speaks about God being Love. But we don't really love, not as we were meant. ADD on the other hand is not objective about love as the world would like it to be. We love, and when we love, we love HARD. I can say that I have been in love twice, and I know that when that love is not possible anymore, it really hurts. So much that I can barely breath. Its intense and takes up every cell in my body and completely overrides my mind. I am glad though that I freely love again, no matter the pain. I would like to think that having ADD aids me in loving unconditionally because no matter how wrong someone is, the love that takes up every membrane of my body and every facet of my being makes forgiving that much easier. I don't fully understand it but I am grateful that it is there because I know that in cahoots with my passions, this love is seriously going to pay off one day. I want my kids to love, without condition and truthfully with all their being. Its the only real way to live.

2. Passion is not just a feeling, its an action

I have a lot of passions. It consumes me sometimes. Writing for one, draws me into a little cocoon where I cannot be reached. Pouring my soul into something is what makes my life worth all the hard stuff. Being ADD makes it easy to have more than one passion. I see how the none ADDer's around me struggle to juggle to do many things at one time which makes me appreciate the ability to have a conversation, type and sing all at the same time. It can be very overwhelming but the benefits outweigh the costs. Finding a passion is very important in my household. My hubby is blessed to have found his at a very young age and loves that he gets to do it every day. For me on the other hand, it has taken a while to figure it out but as it turns out, I have more passions that have fallen into my lap than I would have anticipated. Being ADD allows me to follow through with all my passions all at the same time. Whats even more wonderful, is that fact that I can find ways to have them intertwined and work together as one when nobody else can fathom what I know will happen. When kids are young, they have the best and most beautiful dreams, and nothing can deter them from the belief that those dreams are possible. If they had more than one dream at the same time, who's to say they could and should not make it work. New inventions are developed form two very unrelated properties brought together to produce something new, why can't passions be treated the same way.

3. Be a better friend than any friend you have

I love my friends, wether I see or speak to them or not. They have been there on my journey and have a solid part in the foundation of who I am. My parents never understood why I was so determined to always stand up for my friends, and even if they did me wrong, I will cherish the moments that they have contributed to my path forever. These friendships have taken me to painful places but they have also helped me develop a sense of selflessness when someone is in need. We have encouraged our kids to have good friends from a young age. Aspens best friend used to sleep in her cot when they were both just two weeks old. These friendships are the ones that help nurture our kids and they learnt to love people who are not related to us. Most of all, our kids will learn to be the friends these people need when the time calls for it. What is the point of being a friend if you cannot be there when it is required? Being a woman comes with being thoughtful, but my ADD brings with it the analysis of everything, compassion and an undisputed love. That is the definition of a forever friend. If my kids learn anything from the friendships that I keep, it needs to be that they need to be the best friends that anyone could ask for and to be willing to be the tear catcher, the listener and the peace that their friends are at ease to be around.

4. Dont Argue, convince them into belief

The people who know me, know well that I am great at putting together a compelling argument. Take having VBAC's and Breast feeding for one, I love to discuss it and have read every piece of information I could practically get my hands on, on these topics. I love a debate, it draws from me the inelegance that I don't so often get to show off. The older I get, the more I am learning to let peoples opinion stand and agree to disagree when there is no resolution. Having an opinion is part of who I am and tends to stick to my passions like a parasite on a plant. This has driven me to become very good at stating my case and more often than not, get a satisfactory response. ADD making me very talkative, which would not be beneficial if I could not make someone believe blue is actually green. This is something I am hoping my kids will learn from seeing it happen in our home. At the moment we are still at the age where we are trying to deal with attitudes and ego's, but I see Aspen starting to develop a knack for debate and she has pretty much knocked me off my feet a few times. It might seem rude to some, but it portrays a strength that not enough people possess. They need to stand up for their rights and the rights of other people. My hope is to develop this skill so that they may become leaders in the area of their passions because they can speak up for those who cannot.

5. There is enough pain in the world, be the Joy

The world is made up of horror stories. About 90% of the news and even on social media has some sort of negative event happening or way someone feels. Its sad. Very sad. That being said, I was that person and everybody gets negative sometimes, but if we pay too much attention to all the bad, we push out all the good. I am an extrovert and happen to get very excited when I am happy. I have been told on three different occasions that I need to tone down a little bit because I don't realise how excited I get. But I am glad that having ADD comes with that. I love to express myself and can get very excited when good things happen. Why is that a bad thing? Because the rest of the world is mellow and still when good things happen, why do I have to be? I don't want to be and neither do I want my kids to. I want them to shout with elated joy when they get great scores at school. I want them giggle with uncontrollable glee at something silly they just did and I want them exclaim a thought out loud without a care at who's watching. They need to stand out and be different because
conformity is overrated anyway. My hubby and I love them the way they are and if that means that they have to scream every singe time they swim in the pool because it is the greatest thing to do, then so be it.

There are very many people who know me that might disagree with the views as they think that I am loud, embarrassing and annoying. But then again, who cares? These are the things that I love about myself no matter how many times people try to tell me that I need to calm down and be still. I was made this way and want to embrace it the way I am sure it was intended for me. If I can make someone who needs it smile just once, then it was worth it and just that moment makes all the wrong in the world and in my life but just a grain of sand.

To Read about the 5 ADD Traits you DO NOT want to rub off on your kids, go HERE

The 5 ADD Traits you dont want to rub off on your kids

As a mom, I must admit that it was a whole lot easier managing my ADD when I was single and without kids. The only person I had to monitor and teach to behave was myself. There were consequences to my actions, but they only lasted for a short while and I could move on and pretend none of my impulsive mistakes ever happened. People who were offended by my outrageous comments and outbursts were certainly glad that I was the only one like me that they had to deal with. They were actually more ashamed than I was.

Being a parent however, changes all of that. I have to keep track of myself and four other little people and if they made those same shameful comments, I was scorned by all the other upstanding mothers for teaching my kids those nasty behaviors. Luckily, I am the only one in my family who sometimes struggles to contain myself on occasion and every one else around me seems to have some kind of internal gauge for when they might be getting out of hand.

The problem is that my kids are still young and pretty impressionable. They have not fully developed their internal gauges as yet, so whatever storms out of my mouth. goes into their ears and out their mouths. It seems, even when I am trying not to rub off, it still happens. Their are five things that I am sort of, kind of trying to manage around them though so that the affects are not as bad, and here they are:

1. Talking is good, but listening is better

Its well known fact that we ADDer's let our mouths run all the time. My very good friend and my hubby have learned to switch off when I ramble on and on and on...
I always have ideas and always have something to discuss, but not always to everyone's benefit. I tend to talk so much sometimes that my kids calling me in the background sounds white noise along with the loud TV and the toddler crying. Sometimes I catch myself mid sentence to give them attention, and sometimes I don't even notice its happening. The key is to become more aware when the kids are around so that attending to them does not disrupt anything and everyone gets all of what they need at the same time. It is however so easy to stop talking and 'not listen' listen. I look Liam dead in the eye and carry on talking in my head and only hear the tail end of what he is saying. He knows that I am not paying 100% attention, which only then dawns on me a little later when he becomes upset over the fact that he only got half of what he was asking for, my attention. I function better in noise, but I have learned that I listen better in semi-silence which makes talking to the kids easier and listening even easier.

2. Having Ideas is wonderful, procrastination, not so much!

I am not sure if all ADDer's have this problem but I sure have a huge procrastination issue. I always have. Its so easy to become motivated to study, lose weight or start a new business project, but the momentum dies just as soon as the TV goes on. My brain prefers easy endorphin's as apposed to actually getting up and doing something that will only produce the same response later on. Honestly, I hate it. if there was a cure for Procrastination, I wold be the distributor. There are always a million things we want to do, but most of them never get off the ground which is something nobody wants their kids to be like. I want my kids to thrive in this world, They need to be trend setters and break cultural norms with their ideas and talents. I however know that if this stagnant trait rubs off on them, they will most likely become couch potatoes instead of the next inventors. Make the commitment to be different this year. When the urge arises, turn the TV off or better yet, sell the damn thing. The kids will be better for it.

3. If you throw Tantrums, they will too!

We are not bipolar at all, but trying to keep our emotions in a jar is a very hard thing to do. We are very expressive whether excited or angry and some of it is good for team moral but others just look like five year old temper tantrums. Children throw temper tantrums because they feel either misunderstood or not heard. Just like them, those two things drive me crazy too. I have been known to have a few outbursts of frustration a few times, but having kids has made me a little more cautious. A banging door could hurt someone, and a loud scream could render me a monster to their fragile souls. I have had to count my words, and against his better judgement, hubbies too. How can I justify discipline for tantrums if I throw them myself. I guess self control is part of the parenting manual, the ADD parenting manual includes a section of self control, then the run into a sound proof room to scream your lungs out.....

4. You may not need time, but they do...

because they are students and live in a world defined by time and punctuality. I may not have any concept of time and even care to find one, but they need to know that it exists and understand why it should matter to them. Liam and Aspen are both in primary school and on a couple of occasions last year, we got scolded by the school a few times for tardiness. Its embarrassing yes, but it continued and Liam kind of got the hang of being late all the time. I have made it my mission this year to stick to time, no matter how exhausted, lazy and ridiculous its seems in my head. My kids need to learn to keep time for their own sake's. We all don't live in an ADD filled world and no matter what anyone deals with, there is a code that we need to adhere to in order to fulfill some of our dreams and make things happen. Time forms part of that code and no matter how far I try to run away from it, it catches me at a moments notice;)

5. You Love the spotlight, but hand it over to them

ADDer's and ADHDer's in my apinion are always the life of the party. We are chatting away with everyone, telling interesting stories and then dancing on the tables. We simply love to entertain people. So many celebrities have ADHD and it has helped them go farther in the career as they just have that extra spark. Its fun to be the center of attention, but its not fun when it overshadows the other people in the room, especially your kids. Children need to learn confidence and the only way they are going to do that is if they have a chance to express themselves in whatever may interest them.
In my experience, I tend to get emotionally attached to my passions, so when the opportunity arises to show them off, everything else kind of takes a back seat. I have however had to learn how to give my kids the spotlight. I want them to confident and free to show off every now and then. I guess it comes down to intentional balance as taking a step back is not built in to me, I have to remind myself to intentionally do it.

The saying goes that children learn by what we do and not by what we say, and so often my hubby has said that some of the things my kids do is just like me. I however would prefer to forgo some of the traits that could effect them in this so called 'normal' world. There are tons I would love them to take with them but these 5 things could hurt them if not paid close enough attention to.

Who I am cannot be seperated from having ADD but I can chose what to seperate what I have from who my family is and becomes.

To find about the 5 ADD traits that you want to rub off on your kids, go HERE