Phew...

I have been sitting at my desk for the last couple of hours feeling guilty about not updating my blog for the past couple of days. Life is hectic these days, with my nanny going missing (like in the movies), my property not being properly cared for by SOMEBODY I trusted and finally recovering from the flu I am sure came straight from hell.

So I get up, and take a casual stroll to the bathroom, well because I needed to go. I walk in simultaneously with a lady that knows me well, get to the toilet and try to be as quiet as possible. But instead in the silence you can hear the "plomp" of ...you guessed it, the poop hitting the water in the loo. I try to groan really loud, as if there is something in my throat, but she knows its me, there is nobody else in there.

That brought me to the question, why was I so embarrassed of having to poop? I actually have a terrible fear of anybody knowing what I am doing in the loo. I know what its purpose is, but I can just imagine what people think when they hear the sounds coming from the small cubicle I sit in, as if they are not doing the same thing.

It is so bad, I have the habit of rolling the entire toilet paper out and putting in the loo before I use it, this way there is no splash or plomp  sound coming from 'my' toilet. I really actually feel like anyone who hears me will think less of me because I POOP!

Even though I have this fear, I have no problem cleaning my Tooth Fairies bottom and wiping my Super Man's bottom when he is on the loo. But when it comes to my own Butt, it might as well be plugged because I cannot bare the thought that people know what I do in there.

I wonder what the man who invented the toilet had in mind when he designed it.
"mmm, I am bored today, maybe I should create a..........
toilet!!!"
I mean who really sits around and thinks about a toilet..... oh wait....I just did?!

The strange part is, I don't have an issue with letting go of a wind, well for me that is. If anybody else does it, I could just throw up.
I can just imagine my moms face as she reads this. They were not even allowed to talk about a poep (pronounced: pooop)( meaning: fart), much less going to the bathroom. It was as taboo as Aids used to be back in the 80's. Can you imagine getting put in time out for saying "mommy, I need to poo". You might end up going in your pants either way.

So what is the verdict on poop anyway?
We all have to do it. If only it was as easy to talk about as your next meal, I mean it is after all the remnant of all ones meals anyway.

I'm sorry mom, I know you don't like poop topics much and I swear I got it out of my system now...lol

Find the survival guide for work poop here: Bathroom Jokes

All human beings are also poop beings. Pooping ties all mankind together


Jack Kerouac