Tuesday, October 27, 2015

I think I am ugly

This is a very personal post and I know a lot of woman will relate.

Remember when you were about 15, just coming into your new body with all its feminine curves? I remember it, and am reminded of it a lot these days. Being 15 was my most carefree year. I had more friends than I could count on one hand, I did not care about being popular because my personality spoke volumes for me and I was pretty with such confidence.

I would go to come home from school in the afternoon and take that ever so slow stroll to the shopping centre with my best friend. Wearing the most revealing and tight little outfit you could imagine. Not because I was and wanted to be promiscuous, but because I loved my body and the way I looked. Finding a "boyfriend" was easy. I loved who I was and it rubbed off on the people around me.

Now, a few months shy of 30, I find myself fondly remembering those days. Boy, were we naughty, but we had so much fun. I don't really miss those days, as I have a lot of experiences I am grateful for that I would rather not be without. I do however miss one aspect that comes easily with being so carefree.

Feeling beautiful

Woman are beautiful by design, and by no means should our looks define how beautiful we are. But the truth is, it does. As if we don't beat ourselves up enough, we are bombarded by hundreds of images in the media that tell us how we should look daily. Have you ever taken a picture of yourself, thought that it would look a certain way, and it turned out to look exactly the opposite? Have you noticed the ages of those whom I call the "Selfie generation".

Aspen, who is now 5, is swiftly becoming one of those carefree young girls. She loves to take a selfie every chance that she gets and mommy being a photographer means she can take advantage of every photo opportunity that comes her way. But there have been those small flickers of self doubt I see in my young daughter already. She has come home and complained a few times that she was picked on at school for either the clothes she wore that day or the way her hair looked. It makes me wonder if the way I feel is rubbing off on her somehow.

I know I am smart, and I have a certain amount of street savvy, but for every woman that does not live under a rock, we want, need to feel beautiful. I can convince myself everyday that I am the most wonderful person on the planet, but the way I look, not the way I dress, or even my makeup, but what I look like in my purest form is not as astheticallly beautiful as the blond bombshell who managed to walk up straight on her 5 inch stilettos in the mall yesterday.

It's a sad fact that most woman feel ugly. We just don't tell every stranger we see, because, well, we don't want to be judged. Although, we subconsciously compare ourselves to every woman we see and hedge ourselves anyway. We can really be our own worst enemy.

The revelation most woman will learn through experience though is that, you may feel as ugly as an ogre, but according to what scale? Who made the rules that dictate what beautiful actually is? The Bible says that we were made in Gods image. So even though I am having a little quarter life crisis right now because I don't fit into the worlds version of pretty or beautiful, I am made in the Image of perfect. That's got to count one thousand times. 

I hope that I can rub that one off on Aspen too.


No comments: